How do you know you married the right individual?  Let’s look at this a little closer to examine in more detail.   All couples find it takes work to save a marriage.

Remember when……………

To answer this question, think back to when you first met your spouse and yes fell in love with them.  That is a pleasant thought, isn’t it.   Even now it brings a smile across your face.  You remember how you waited by the phone awaiting their call, desired their touch on your shoulder, hand or face.  You even had a great appreciation for their little quirks.

It was so easy to fall in love with your spouse back then.  If you are truly honest, it just sort of happened.  They walked through the door and wham.   Instead of just walking into the room they stepped right into your heart.  That is what you call “falling in love” and it happened to you.  It was probably the easiest thing you ever did.  Falling in love is a passive experience that happens spontaneously.

The honeymoon can last for quite awhile but at some point the captured bliss of love and marriage may fade.  Don’t worry this is not unexpected to some degree.  The calls you used to wait by the phone for might become a bother even when they do come.  The touch you used to long for might be pushed away at times when it occurs.  Those little quirks become irritating rather than appreciated.

At some point if this stage is allowed to progress frustration, bitterness, and anger begins to set up residence in what was such a beautiful relationship in the beginning.

At some point both or either partner may ask the question, “Am I married to the right individual?”  When this question is asked if either partner begins to think of what marriage with someone else would have been.  That is the moment trouble walks in the door of your marriage.  Anytime either party looks outside of the marriage in thoughts or deed for what they believe is missing in their marriage that is when the marriage begins to fail.  The individual may not become involved in affair with another person but something else may take the place of their spouse.   It could be friends, a hobby, work, or even substances of abuse such as alcohol.

Both partners need to understand the answers to their marital problems will not be found outside of the marriage.  The key to a happy marriage is learning to love your partner.  You were attracted to each other as you fell in love but to sustain that love you really have to go the next step and learn to love.

Learning to love takes effort and work which is very different than falling in love.   I have heard it said about a couple going through a tough time, “Oh, they just need to fall in love again”.   I beg to pardon they just need to learn to love.  You learn to ride a bike and once you have you don’t forget.  Learn to love and you won’t forget.

OK, maybe it doesn’t seem that bad yet but you have thought about and that is enough reason to give it your full attention to save it while you can.  If you wait until you know without a doubt in your mind your marriage needs help, it just might be too late or at the least it will be much harder and take more work to get your marriage back on tract.

You may be able to just put some spark back into the marriage with a little effort right now.  Perhaps work schedules have kept you separated more than you would like.  Don’t worry you don’t necessarily have to find a new job.  Just make the time you do have more quality time with each other.

Sometimes in married life if we are not careful we simply get busy with the cares of life and begin to take each other for granted.  Put some care and thought back into the everyday things you do.   They may have to be done every day but it can also be special every day.

Things to do now that will not take much time to spark up your marriage.

• Call your partner at work if you can just to say I love you.
• Kiss you partner goodbye before leaving home
• For the guy, pick up that pair of dirty sock without being asked
• For the gal, bring his cup of coffee to him in the morning
• Serve each other breakfast in bed
• Fix their favorite meal or take them to their favorite restaurant
• Send flowers
• Buy Candy
• Write a caring note and place it where it will be found
• Wear that special outfit your partner really likes

It will be amazing as you do these little things for each other how quickly new fresh love begins to grow.

Whether you are a happily newly wed or are having problems with you marriage the secrets to saving your marriage can make the difference in your relationship.

A marriage should be both strong and healthy able to withstand unforeseen difficulties and enjoy wedded bliss.

Marriage should be a blessing for both partners.  Gaining understanding and paying attention to the needs of each other builds a strong relationship.  Are you interested in strengthening your marriage?

A man and woman both have sexual needs that should be fulfilled within the marriage to build a strong relationship.   Fulfilling the sexual desires of your partner is the best assurance for fidelity.

Each partner should make themselves, attractive and appealing to each other.  You should plan for some private time for just the two without the cares of everyday life.

Kisses, hugs, caresses, and words of love all set the scene for intimacy sure to please both partners.  Developing a healthy sex relationship does take some work and planning but will strengthen and nurture the marriage.

Another important part that can not be overlooked is the need to communicate with each other your desires, needs, and feelings. Saving your marriage could simply be talking it over.   Too many couples never sit down to talk about anything let alone there concerns and trouble. It as if they think not talking will let all the problems go away. That does not work.  The problem is still there.  In fact it is probably getting worse day by day. With open and direction communication about your sex life together you can discover a happy and satisfying sex life.

Keeping the warm fires of love alive in your relationship is an important part of maintaining a happy, fulfilled and satisfied marriage.

Keeping the love fires glowing or perhaps it is rekindling the love fires can save your marriage.

Marriage is a very special partnership between two people who love each other.   To build a strong relationship that can withstand the challenges of life you need to mix honor and respect in with the love you have.

8 ways to demonstrate love, honor and respect in marriage

• Notice each other
• Consider each other
• Honor each other
• Be polite
• Do away with things that irritate or antagonize
• Simply make the best of life
• Identify Common Interest
• Verbalize and demonstrate your Love for each other

After you get the man or woman do not forget them.  All too often the business of life with the long hours at work, cooking, cleaning, lawn work, the children and the many other that are a part of family life get all of the couple’s attention.

Consider each other in all things you do.   Cook the foods the other likes or take them to their favorite restaurant.

Honor each other as the King or Queen in your life.  Be proud of each other.  Share with others the good rather than the bad of your spouse.

Words such as please and thank you should flow easily between both partners of a marriage.

Stop doing things that you know irritate and antagonize the other.   Try to understand each other’s likes and dislikes.

Perhaps things didn’t turn out just like you expected.  You aren’t living in your dream house yet.  Remember your vows were for better or for worse.  Remember it is people not things that bring true happiness.

Identify common interest such as a pet, places to vacation, gardening, or sports.   Perhaps it would be a good idea to learn to like something the other partner enjoys.

Love is the ingredient that will truly make a marriage last for a life time.  If you really love someone you will want to do the other 8 things noted.

Are you looking for some everyday ways of saving your marriage? There are some easy things to do that can make the difference in your marriage relationship.

Some situations are more serious and may need more intervention but for some marriages some simple steps can put the marriage back on the track to success and happiness.

For these things to work you have to do them and do them consistently.

Everyday Tip 1

Marriage is more than a 50/50 partnership.  Both partners have to be willing to give whatever it takes to attain 100% in the partnership.  You have to be willing to make the difference when one of the partners fails to carry half of the load.  This should not be that one partner always is giving the 100%.  In that case there really is not a partnership mentality.

Everyday Step 2

Reflect upon the beginning of your relationship and then the path to your wedding vows.   Think about your love story and how you first met you partner.  Think about the good things you and your partner have enjoyed together and how you made dreams together of your life.   Let the light of your love lead you.  This is the light that will guide you through troubled times in the relationship.  Thinking about the good things in the relationship and the joys of the past on a daily basis can make the difference for your relationship everyday.

Everyday Step 3

Be nice to each other.  Speak and acknowledge each other.   Keep conversations friendly.  Remember to make a marriage work you do have to handle things you don’t like about the partner but be nice.  In a relationship not everything will go the way you want it to and there will be things your partner does that you will not like.   You have to remember this may continue and you will have to learn to overlook some things.

When you say one thing but mean something else that is poor communication.   Poor communication is not only saying the wrong thing or saying the right thing the wrong way.  Sometime poor communication is not talking at all.

In a relationship frequently one partner expects one thing abut because of misunderstanding they receive something else.  Even our motives can be misunderstood which causes others to misjudge us.

The key to a happy marriage is better communication.  To understand communication correctly we need to identify what communication is not.

Communication is not

• Talk
• Making a point
• Explaining an idea
• Complete until there is agreement and a plan

Communication is

• Making your feeling be understood
• Making your idea be understood
• Making your intention be understood

Communication does require conversation.  My husband jokingly said one day to a friend, “I told my wife 20 years ago that I loved her; if I ever change my mind I will let her know.”  If he never told me in 20 years he loved me, I just might not understand he loves me.  I am glad to say he tells me daily that he loves me.  I do understand he loves me.

Men generally speak facts while women tend to speak feelings.   There have been many comedies built around this very theme.  Both need to take the time to truly understand what the other is communicating and also to understand each others point of view.  Many marital problems could be prevented with just a little understanding from both partners.

Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting people to understand us we never stop to hear what they have to say and understand where they are coming from.  Our goal in conversation should be to listen more than we talk.

To build trust in a marriage both partners need to maintain open and honesty in communication.   A lie is a lie.  There are not big lies and little lies.  There is no such thing as a white lie either.

It does take time to communicate.  Sharing and learning about each other is vital to a healthy marriage.  Saving your marriage is a benefit when you open up the channels of communication.

In our world today the one thing that seems missing is commitment.  Commitment for a healthy lifestyle or commitment for saving your marriage is missing for many people.

A broken engagement which is often occurs when there is a lack of commitment.  A broken engagement can be a tough situation to get beyond.

When you get to the wedding ceremony and beyond the wedding vows being taken most people expect the commitment made on their wedding day to last through the lifetime.  When either party fails to keep this commitment it is a hard blow.

Being willing to work together through the tough times in the marriage and build an even stronger relationship as a result is just expected with the commitment that should be there for each other.

Commitment stays when the storms come.  Commitment loves when disappointment presents.  Commitment does not run away.   Commitment does not blame.  Commitment does not find fault.  Commitment does not separate.   Commitment does not divorce.  Commitment finds a way.   Commitment prefers the other partner.  Commitment understands.  Commitment is kind.  Commitment trusts.  Commitment believes.     Commitment seeks help.  Commitment has a happy lifelong marriage.

Are you committed to your partner?   Are you willing to do what it takes to see your marriage work?   Are you willing to take responsibility for the trouble your marriage is in?  Commitment will help you to see your marriage works.   Commitment will help you take responsibility of the problems.  Commitment will save your marriage.

A marriage in trouble more than likely got there by lack of commitment.  A marriage saved required commitment to survive.  The missing element of commitment in a relationship when put in place will allow the puzzle of the relationship to be complete once again.

How do you know when help is needed in your marriage?   Are there signs to be alert for indicating when your marriage is in trouble and saving your marriage needs help beyond you and your spouse?

Yes, there are some warning signs to watch for that gives an indication of trouble in your marriage.

• Frequent disagreements that escalate to arguments
• Loss of Love for your spouse
• Change of priorities
• Financial problems
• Telling lies
• Having an affair
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Physical fighting

Difference of opinion that results with an argument is not necessarily a problem. Arguments or disagreements are actually a part of conflict resolution and does not indicate a bigger problem as long as they stay constructive and not destructive.  When these arguments even though small continue and become frequent and lead up to personal accusations, blaming, and name calling, it has gone too far.   When the arguments become an attack upon the partner, the reason usually is deeper seated than the original reason for them!

If either partner doesn’t continue to have love for the other it will lead to marital trouble.  Love that appears to have been lost can be learned again with nurturing and some effort.   But one thing is for sure for a healthy marriage love should be present.  One of the ways to keep love in the marriage is to say “I love you” on a daily basis and mean it. It is hard for something you feed everyday to die.

It is not a problem for the partners to have personal goals but these should be developed with the marriage goals in mind.  If you fail to do this it will began to feel by one or both partners that you going different directions.   Gaining buy in and support for each other for your individual goals are actually what a partnership is all about.

With high unemployment rates, large mortgage payments, and increasing high cost of living people are experiencing greater financial challenges.   This is taking placing a lot of pressure on marriages.

Being untruthful to your spouse, cheating with an affair, or using substances of abuse all are ingredients that will put a marriage in danger failure if not resolved quickly.

All of these warning signs are an alert that saving your marriage needs some help.

The real root of the problem is not easily seen on the surface.  To fix the trouble that is seen on the surface you have to get the bigger problem fixed.  The answers to the questions where and why did this happen will have to be found?   Once these answers are found the marriage can be saved.

Getting to the root of the problem is not always easy and it can be uncomfortable.   The services of a counselor may need to be sought to help with this.  Working on the root of the problem will provide lasting results.  The counselor will help assure the process of rebuilding your marriage stays on track.

The counselor provides an unbiased view to the circumstances of your situation.   They will provide the answers for which you may be struggling to find by working with both partners.   Good advice can be provided by the counselor for saving your marriage.

Your counseling sessions opens the door for good communication which is essential in building a marriage.   Communications gets everything on top of the table so it can be dealt with and resolved. Without open communication the counseling sessions will not be effective.

After the root of the trouble has been identified it will be clearer of what is needed to save the marriage.   It will take work on the part of both partners to save the relationship.  It will be worth the effort when you receive the benefits of a healthy marriage.

Both partners working on saving their marriage is important.   Your marriage is valuable and should be saved.  You should use the measures needed to save your marriage by rebuilding it.

Trouble Identification

One of the biggest challenges is identifying the problem or trouble early on before it becomes too big.    The most difficult thing about trouble identification is that it requires stepping back and taking a close look at yourself.  If you are having marriage trouble more than likely you are part of the problem.  You need to be willing to look openly at yourself and your contribution to the problem.

Develop a meaningful relationship

Human relationships that are meaningful start with conversation that is open and respectful of each other.   Life today has many demands upon a couple.  There is work, the house, the kids, perhaps school which all demands so much of both partner’s time and energy.  There are times it seems there just isn’t enough time left over to share with the one you love.  That is actually the first problem; you don’t give your partner left over time you plan for time up front as a priority.  Failure to do this prevents a meaningful relationship from developing as it should.

Know Your Partner’s Worth

Worth is the value each partner places on the other.  When you place value upon a person it is not as easy to resort to fighting, yelling, name calling, and blaming.  Maintaining high respect for each other even during times of conflict is important.

Value of Friendship

Building and maintaining friendships takes work and effort.  Your partner should be your best friend.  By maintaining your friendship at all cost you keep the most basic of all elements intact for a relationship.  If the friendship has been lost in your marriage start rebuilding your friendship for the health of your marriage.

Having friendships with others is good but those friendships should never replace the friendship of your partner.